Bullying Parent Involvement
Over the last three decades school districts, parents and students have been speaking up against bullying behavior. Dan Olweus first published his Book Bullying At School in 1993, he describes what we know about bullying and what we can do about it.
Now in 2013, according to Stopthebullying.gov forty nine states now anti-bullying laws into place mandating schools district to implement some kind of bully prevention policies and or strategies.
But we can’t leave it all up to the schools; the parents need to get involved too. If it has been brought to your attention that your child is being aggressive toward another student you need to make it clear to the child that you do not tolerate such behavior and that they will be disciplined. Don’t just assume because you told them once it will put an end to it. Keep your eyes and ears open; if they are doing something right praise them, if they are not remind them of your expectation.
“The parents must make it clear to their child that they take the bullying seriously, and that they will not tolerate any such behavior in the future.” Dan Olweus
1) If you hear your child is being aggressive toward others take action
2) Be specific
3) Create an easy discipline chart that hangs on the refrigerator
4) Never give a warning- Follow through
5) Remind them daily that you love them.
For information about our Parent Night Programs visit our web site: www.ducksense.com
Copyright Richard Paul 2013
I was fortunate to witness a 3 – 4 year old boy walk into McDonald’s Play Land and use his large build and booming voice to intimidate and shove the other children who were playing quietly. Let me explain, he was a bully in early stages and I was able to get a glimpse on “one” of the possible explanations for why a child becomes a bully. As a social worker dealing with bullies, this is a rare experience so I was grateful to observe (and protect). I wondered how could this be, he is just a toddler! His mother was distracted texting on her phone and unfriendly towards the rest of us in this small space. She appeared angry but I kept my mind open hoping it was just a bad moment soon she would look up. She did not.
When her ‘little big’ boy made a smaller boy fall down and scream, the crying boys mother brought the bigger boy over to her. She continued to text. When she realized what her boy had been doing she screamed at him without questioning anyone, and without looking up from her phone. She shamed him and suddenly ….he burst into tears. He transformed from this mean and angry little big boy into a little 3/4 yr old toddler. I went from feeling shock and frustration with his behaviour, to feeling sorry for him. I wanted to comfort him. Is this how it begins? For some…..yes.
I observed his mother and wondered what things would be like for him. He came in here like a bull dozer. Why? Was his dad a tough guy?
I wondered where and how do we begin to work with parents who are angry and teaching their children by their own role modelling of anger and aggressiveness? There is a cycle here I am sure it began long before this boy was born. Regardless, how do we address the parents who are mean, angry, unable to accountable, closed minded, and behind the scenes of a bully child in the making?
My grandson was bullied on the hockey team. We met with school principles and were brushed off until it was caught on video. Regardless, the parents remained rude, closed, abrupt, and in denial. They made excuses and blamed our grandson. The video was downplayed. If the parents can’t see the problem, does it really have wait until their child harms others?
I think we need to make some parents accountable for their children’s bullying. Especially if discussions have been made and there is no change. I believe the entire family will need to be involved in some form of treatment, parenting training, anger management, social skills, whatever the case may be. Once change occurs, it would be POWERFUL for families who have been through this process, to share, teach and speak out about the bully side of this experience. We definitely need to understand the bully’s story! It is one of the most important ways of making this stop.
My 13 yr old niece took her life just over 2 months ago. She was bullied in her school. She was a sensitive, creative, unique individual. She was beautiful and gifted. The kids who attended her funeral were teased at school afterwards by the same children who bullied Jasmine. This is as sick as it gets. We have an epidemic. All parents must step up and help each other. Small changes create many big changes.
Watch, learn, video tape, volunteer, and speak out.