Phone: 800-579-8051     email: richard@richardpaul.com  

The Right and Wrong About Bullying

I recently had the opportunity to speak to law enforcement and school administration leaders.

We discussed the difference between bullying and conflict, why they are different, and why they need to be handled differently.

Listed below is the information we shared:

Picture2  Conflict:

  • Equal power
  • Happens occasionally
  • Accidental
  • Not serious
  • Equal emotional reaction

Most Conflicts:

  • You can see and hear what’s going on.
  • You should always monitor the situation.
  • If you see the problem escalating, it’s time to step in.

NO ROOM FOR AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR!

With Simple Conflict:

  • Simple Conflict involves playful banter back-and forth between both parties.
  • Simple Conflict is accompanied by a friendly tone of voice and laughter.
  • Simple Conflict is accompanied by affectionate gestures or expressions.
  • Simple Conflict brings people closer and encourages friendships.
  • Simple Conflict sometimes helps to lighten a tense or anger situation.
  • In most cases Simple Conflict does not lead to physical confrontations.

Picture1

Bullying:

  • Bullying is not playful
  • Bullying is one sided
  • There is no compromise

NO COMPROMISE, and there is NO working it out!

When I heard a middle school principal says to his students:

“Obviously we tell them to try to work with the bully for a while.” Junior High School Principal

I am not sure school leaders and administrators really understand the difference between bullying and conflict. Because if we say these words to a Target of an Aggressor or person bullying them we are not offering them help we are sending them back to the wolves.

At the workshop when I asked the attendees what they would say or do to help a Target here was their responses:

Right Things to Say                                      Wrong Things to Say

Tell Someone                                                Ignore Them

Show No Reaction                                         Join Sports

Comforting Words                                        Just tell them to stop it

Listen to them offer to support them       Confront

Draw attention YELL

Peace Circle Referral

Tell a Teacher

The best advice shared at the workshop:

“Address the root causes for the bullying with the aggressor (bully).”

Let’s keep this discussion going please send in or email me your comments: Richard@richardpaul.com

Copyright Richard Paul 2015

Self- Love

I am a trainer with Bully Free Schools, have had personal instructions from Stan Davis, author of “Schools Where Everyone Belongs”. I have studied the work of Shad Helmstetter, “The Self-Talk Solution” and the works of Gershen Kaufman, PHD, Lev Raphael, PHD and Pamela Espeland and their outstanding book “Stick Up For Yourself!” and many more.

One common thread to everything I have read and learned is the need for students as individuals to love and respect themselves. The problem is we can all talk about it and put up some posters on the wall but I believe in a perfect world there should be classes and or more instruction on the subject.

CupOfSelfLove

This crazy fast pace world seems to focus more on the outer world and forget the need for personal inner work. The more we come to understand and respect who we are the more likely we will love and respect others too.

I believe the key is to share with the students the true meaning of the word LOVE. They in turn will come to understand that it is not being conceited to pat yourself on the back when you do something right, but rather a step toward a positive self-image and positive behavior skills.

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I was and still am a fan of the “Dr. Love”, the late Leo Buscaglia PhD, author, speaker, teacher and professor at the University of Southern California.  Here is a guy that not only walked the talk. He shared the message, he had the vision, he saw the need for self-love and love for others and mankind. He even convinced the university to offer up a class on it.

My programs implements all these elements listed above. The students come to understand the need for self-love, self-respect and why it is ok to peacefully stick up for yourself.

One of my favorite Dr. Love quotes seems to say it all: “Love is life. And if you miss Love, you miss Life”.

Puerto Rico Stress Reduction Speech

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I had the opportunity to speak to a group of surgical tech instructors at a conference in Puerto Rico.

They are a team of dedicated, caring professionals that deal with and work through many daily stressful tasks. It is their job to teach the students what they need to know to pass the certification testing and what is needed to do to become a competent surgical tech professional.

One of the instructors I spoke to prior to the event said, “I do everything but underwater basket weaving.”

I was their opening keynote speaker sharing several tools on how to work through stress in the workplace.

We discussed what stress is and why some stress is good for you.  We shared stress reduction tips including healthy breathing techniques, daily practical fun activities they can easily implement and why humor and laughter is a healthy way to reduce stress.

Here are some pictures from the event and all the fun we had sharing and learning how to work through workplace stress.

www.humorreducesstress.com

 

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Videos:

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http://www.humorreducesstress.com

 

 

Letters from Students

I presented a program in North Dakota and the students sent me some letters following the presentation.

“I learned that it is not alright to make fun of people.

Your message touched the hearts of many mine included!”  – Rosie

 

“I learned how to not pick on someone.

I think other people learned that too.” – Josephine

Self Esteem

“I learned how to peacefully stick up for myself and how to stick up for others when they are getting bullied.”- Nairah

 

“I didn’t think your hand was weird, I thought it was cool, I mean I have a best friend that doesn’t have her right hand.” – Molly

 

“You thought us to do different stuff when you are about to confront a bully

Give them eye contact:

  1. Say STOP IT!
  2. Stand 2 feet away
  3. REPORT IT

“Thank you for coming to our school,” -Donna

 

“I learned mostly everything you taught and yes the school is better, you changed it. There is still a little bullying but we now know how to peacefully work through it.” -Justin

“I used to be a bully but not that bad. Then when I saw your program you changed my mind. I did you get to own your company? Did you start it yourself? I think when you came to the school the students here learned to stop the bullying.” –Kyle

“The one thing I learned is to give the person that is bullying eye contact. The way to stop bullying is to step up and report it. School is going to be better because people are going to work together to make sure there is no bullying.” –Avery

“You taught me that I’m not perfect and that is ok. No matter what I think by us doing what you taught us we can become better students and I can become a better person. I think what you taught me will make life easier.” –Scrah

“I learned things I didn’t know about bullying. I also learned that when you’re talking to someone look them in the eyes and not their feet. When you look at their feet and talk it makes them feel bad. I want to make this school a bully free place.” -Kimberly

“You inspired me to make a Stop the Bullying poster and it looks cool in the school.” –Parke

“I’ve been through a lot of things this past week and I’d think of what you would say and it helps. Thanks for that! Keep doing what you’re doing.” – Anjeni

I learned there is a reason when are here. We just got to keep doing what we’re doing because we are all awesome. We all have something to share.” -Chance

MARCH 4th

Jack_Portrait_Small_Website

Many years ago I heard a story from motivational speaker Les Brown, he told of a minister by the name of Jack Boland who started a church to help and welcome people from all walks of life. They started in a small house in Detroit and grew to become this iconic church in Warren, Michigan.

I never had the opportunity to meet Jack, but from talking to the many people who knew him, he was a positive and optimistic person. Couple of my close friends who were experiencing drug and alcohol additions attended his classes, meeting and church services. They have told me more than once, “Jack saved my life”.

“Jack’s steadfast teaching of spiritual principle has had a dramatic impact on my life. Hearing an inspiring teacher of impeccable character moves me to live a better life, to be a better person and to try and make the world a better place.” Nola Drazdolf

 I am sure you have met someone in your life that has inspired you to be better, someone who saw something in you, which you could not see for yourself, someone who may have reminded you over and over again to march forth. From what I have heard, Jack was one of those people. He was a minister, a mentor, and a friend to all who knew him.

Many have said that even in death, Jack was inspiring and motivating people to live. He died on March 4, 1992.  Jack’s closest friends believe it was his way of reminding us all to MARCH FORTH.

Richard Paul

Copyright Richard Paul 2015

 

 

 

 

You Will Be Missed

I have been in the event and entertainment business for forty years this March 27, 2015.

We have booked bands for bars and lounges, weddings, corporate events and park concerts. Over the last twenty years my event and entertainment team has expanded our services offering different kinds of entertainment and event concepts.

Many of my clients and I have brainstormed ideas and ways to turn simple summer concerts into Disney style family friendly events. When I first met Richard he was an assistant superintendent of a Metro Park. Through hard work and dedication he worked his way up to park superintendent, managing three parks.

Richard and I worked together over twenty-two years creating and lining up entertainment for his park’s  Country Fest, Motown Shows, July 4 Celebrations, Big Screen Movies and Family Fun Days. He loved to try new things and wasn’t afraid to step out of the box.  His attention to detail and the way he worked with his staff taught me the value of customer service, and why it is so important to go the extra mile.

Over the years Richard and I formed a strong friendship. He would offer me constructive criticism, and I would offer up marketing ideas. He would share positive parenting skills, and I would offer up public speaking techniques and ideas.

Just yesterday I found out my former client and friend Richard has left this world.  I will miss the many mastermind/lunches, his advice, and his ability to inspire me to be better at what I do.

Richard, YOU WILL BE MISSED!

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We can learn from The Ground Hog

groundhog

 

Today is February 2, and this is Ground Hog Day. I know it is a silly holiday that very few even remember or even observe, but as business professionals we can learn from this little woodchuck.

The Ground Hog has one goal today and that is to predict the next six weeks. Is it going to be a long winter? Or is spring around the corner?

This little guy has a lot of pressure put on him one day each year. Just like the local and national weather people, if he gets it wrong he is in the dog house with a lot of people who really care about his prediction.

He is also a politician who has to make a tough decision, either way he is going to have a group of people mad at him.  How it works is that if doesn’t see his shadow, spring is around the corner, and the people who like winter will be mad at him. If he sees is shadow there will be six more weeks of winter, and the people who love spring and summer are mad at him.

So you can see that being a Ground Hog can be really stressful. Every year he has to believe in himself and stand up and say; “this is my decision, I know can’t please everyone, but this is how I see it. I hope that you will learn to respect my prediction.

“All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.” Michael John Babar

In our businesses and/or in the workplace we are asked to get out of our comfort zone. Sometimes we are put in these Yes/No spots, which can be stressful. Like the Ground Hog we need believe in ourselves and our decisions even when there are staff members that disagree.  Great leader don’t try to please everyone. Like the Ground Hog we need to work through our fears and go for what we feel is right for your company, and our organization.

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” John D. Rockefeller

Look at me  I stepped out of my box and I wrote a business article about the Ground Hog. If I can step out of my box you can too. Now go out there, make some predictions of your own and you will eventually achieve great things.

Thank You Dr. King!

When I present my diversity program at schools I remind the students how thankful I am for what Dr. Martin Luther King did for me too. Being a person born with a birth defect in 1957 was much better than let’s say being born in the 1920’s. Back then people like me would have never had any opportunities I have had in my life.

martin-luther-king-2

 

There were many times when I had my share of people with their own lack of knowledge assume things about me that weren’t true. My shop teachers in junior high school and high school for example, wouldn’t let me use the table saws because they thought it would be too dangerous for me, and assumed I couldn’t hold the wood in place with my shorter right hand. A driver’s education instructor that said I couldn’t drive a car because my right arm was too short for the shifter.  I also remember trying to get a shoe salesman job in the early 70’s only to be rejected several times.  Here I was demonstrating that I was a go getter, that I had the drive to be that store’s best salesmen, but store manager only offered me a stock boy job, even though the sign in the window clearly said they were only looking for a shoe sales positon.

Thanks to Dr. King he not only helped men and women of color but he also helped people like me too.

I now have all the opportunities and freedoms as anyone else with regular arms and ten fingers.

Robinson Photo shoot 2008 230

As I explain during my middle school and elementary school diversity assembly programs, there are still a few people out there who don’t know me that may still be making some assumptions about what I can or can’t do. Thanks to the civil rights movement, the civil rights amendment and diversity training in schools, students and adults are less likely to make judgment. Thank you Dr. King!

Student Charged in Transmitting Sexual Images

cyberbully4

I was reading in the local paper about two high school students being arrested and charged in a sex photo case. As a Cyber Bullying speaker at middle schools and high schools I have explained to students that what you put up never goes away, and that it can hurt the person you are bullying and hurt you and your plans for life.

 

Young people need to be aware there are limits to what can be distributed and shared via social media avenues like Twitter and Facebook.” Sheriff Wickersham, Macomb County Sheriff  

 

In the new world of Cyber Bullying, and Sexting, I believe there are a group of students out there that think that they will never get caught or if they do get caught they believe they will get off with a warning. The truth is these two individuals are being charged with third-degree criminal sexual conduct a 15 year felony.  One of the defendants is facing charges of sexual activity, a crime punishable by up to seven years in prison. Also if they are convicted they would likely be required to register as sex offenders and have their names and photographs entered on the state’s online database.

 

This is the real deal, a story that should be shared with your children and your students. If you put bad things up on Twitter or Facebook and are distributing explicit photos of someone that is clearly under age you may find yourself being arrested and charged like these two high school students. Cyber Bullying and Sexting is serious and in most cases against the law so don’t do it!

Copyright Richard Paul 2015

Who Are You?

Self Esteem

You are not black, yellow, white or red. You are not abled or disabled, not special or special needs, smart or at risk, you are a human being.

No matter what others may think, say or do to try to bring you down, be brave, keep your head up high, and be proud of yourself for the goals you have achieved, for the respect and kindness you have given others and for the many talents you have and will soon discover.

You are a gift to the world, there is only one of you, and there will never be another just like you.

Your thoughts your dreams, your abilities are yours. Only you can discover your life’s mission, create a vision and take the action to live out your dreams.

You are the author, the artist and the creator of who you are and what you want to be.

Copyright Richard Paul 2014