Motivational Speaker and Author Richard Paul

I received a troubling email from a high school student who was very upset with the Jocks (as she put it) and how they have been bullying a special education student. She described some very gross and disgusting things they have done to this poor student. She asked my advice and I told her to tell authorities immediately.

In elementary school students are taught diversity and ability awareness. They learn understanding and kindness but for some reason this education goes out the window in middle school and high school.
Not only do we need to teach No Bullying but we also need to teach differences and remind them that making fun of someone’s shortcomings is not funny it is BULLYING!

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Cyber bullying is a new tool bullies have been using to hurt their victims. I was presenting at a school in Houghton Lake, Michigan and when I arrived my client informed me of a cyber bullying issue that took place the evening before and how the victim was devastated.

There are many products on the market that parents can use to police what is being sent. unfortunately I have yet to hear of a product that puts a sent item in a holding pattern till a parent can review it. I have been told by many technicians that there are no full proof ways to catch the bully before he strikes on the Internet. They say the best defense is the parents watching and overseeing the computer activities.

Here is some information on parent control software:

http://www.consumersearch.com/www/software/parental-control-software/index.html

http://www.microsoft.com/windows/products/windowsvista/features/details/parentalcontrols.mspx

http://www.softforyou.com/

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Subject: RE: Bullying Questions

I believe that you are on the right track.
Keep boosting his self-esteem; keep reminding him that he is loved.
I would suggest that you also have him talk to a school social worker or child psychologist so he can talk to someone other than Mom and Dad.

When my oldest was having some emotional difficulties we took him to a child therapist and we felt it really helped him.

There are many books on this topic and there are also great articles with awesome suggestions.
I have a few at my web site and some links to other sites and blogs.

I hope this helps you.

May I put this up at my No Bully Blog? If I receive comments I can email them to you.

Good luck,
Keep loving your son!
Richard Paul

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my earlier email. We are starting to see improvement in his behavior which I believe is coming from removing him from the bullying environment. We have also informed the preschool teacher of what we are dealing with in our neighborhood and she has been wonderful in assisting us in “undoing” some of these unacceptable behaviors that he has started to incorporate into his play. We also spoke with our family psychologist (everyone really should have one on retainer - ha! ha! ) and he gave us some excellent suggestions also. Lastly, I have been taking my son off of our street and around the neighborhood to meet some of the other boys his age to play with.

The combination of these changes seems to be netting good results. I believe that we will continue to see improvement and, a lessening of interest in playing with these bully children as we stick to our new plan.

Please feel free to put our scenario on your blog. It is extremely helpful to know that other parents are dealing with the same issues.

Have a wonderful day and enjoy your weekend!

Thank you,

Marymichelle

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Mr. Paul,

I found your email address on your Stop The Bullying
web site. I liked the few snippets of information I read and I am seeking any additional advice you may be able to provide.

My son is 4 1/2 years old and we have been battling neighborhood bullying for the past 6 months. We have two children in our neighborhood, unrelated to one another, who are a year younger and a year older than my son, respectively. These children taunt, hit and name call my son and another child on the street. The two separate sets of parents are inattentive and have been heard saying things such as, “if there isn’t any blood, I pretend it didn’t happen” or, “I just don’t bother to address the conflict because I hear it all the time, I just don’t pay any attention to it anymore.”

Initially, if my son was pushed or, if they would not allow him to play, I would just comfort him and tell him it was ok, they did not mean it and I would wait for one of the mothers to intervene and discipline their respective children. However, as time went on, I realized they were not going to take any steps toward disciplining their children. In the mean time, my son lost his patience and started fighting back. I would immediately stop him and tell him that hitting is not allowed under any circumstances and, if he hit he would have to go inside and sit out for 4 minutes. I followed through each and every time and did make my son go inside for hitting back. One day, as I saw an incident brewing, I headed over to try and stop it but, I did not move fast enough and my son hit back. I told him he would have to go inside and take a break. As we headed inside the bully said, “see, I can make him go in.” Well, from then on, since the bully was intentionally trying to make my son have to go inside, I realized that I had to change my strategy. So, since he was being intentionally set up by this other child, I decided to simply continue to tell my child that he was not allowed to hit and separate him from the bully.

Subsequently, we started doing conflict management puppet shows with our child. We used the puppets to show the difference between bad hitting and accidental hitting (like bumping into someone by accident) and then to show him how to handle each situation. I’ve tried to explain to him that we never hit first. And, that if we get hit then the first thing we try to do is walk away. I had one puppet hit the other, on purpose, and then had the puppet that got hit simply say, “hitting is bad” and walk away. I really had no idea what other skill to give him. I know that we have had some success with this because I see my son using the technique to the best of his 4 year old ability.

We are continuing to work out conflict situations with the puppets and my son’s responses to each of the situations we present to him seem to be socially appropriate and he even offered solutions to the situations I presented. For example, when I had one of the puppets try to take away his toy he responded by saying, “wait, I will get you a train too.” Then he went to the toy box and got another train and gave it to the puppet.

Despite all of our efforts the bullying continues. We recently had to sit our son down and start to talk to him about the difference between mean people and nice people. I told him that kids who name call and hit and say you can’t play are mean and we don’t play with mean kids. We only play with nice kids, naming off some of his other friends. And that children who hit or name call are not really our friends because they don’t treat him nicely or play nicely with him. He did seem to understand the majority of what I was saying.

I really just didn’t know what else to do at this point except to begin talking openly about how to choose friends. In some ways he is too young to understand this but, nonetheless, I have to start introducing this concept to him. I want him to begin to learn that he has the power to choose his friends. And, that he should choose nice people to be his friend.

In addition, my husband and I have made a decision that our son can no longer play with these two children. Obviously, this is a very drastic and difficult stance to take as we live in a cul de sac. When the offending children are outside playing I tell my son that while he cannot play with them, I will take him anywhere else he would like to play with anyone else he would like to invite. This seems to be working.

If you have any other suggestions or strategies that we might employ, we are interested in your feedback. Also, if you have any recommended reading we would greatly appreciate that type of information also.

Thank you for your time and attention.

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It’s the thought that counts. Or maybe not. If a thought never turns into a deed, it’s all intention and no action and that’s not doing good. Real faith demonstrates itself through action. It’s a sure test of whether we’re acting for good–or just thinking about acting for good. It’s possible to look concerned, gush with emotion, talk a lot, and even buy the correct t-shirt without accomplishing anything solid. Doing good is more than thinking about change, desiring better things for someone, or wishing the world were different, it’s about doing whatever small things you can right here, right now–serving others, putting someone else before yourself, committing random acts of kindness.

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On Friday night I had plans to go to my school’s football game with a friend after a fundraiser at church. There was miscommunication and I thought that he wasn’t going to the game unless he called me, so when I got there and saw him with another girl I was surprised and upset. Instead of going and talking to him about it, I sent him a text message telling him that I was really upset with him and I left the game. This passive aggressive mode of communication only hindered the situation. Had I went and talked to him, I wouldn’t have felt bad and I would have known that he had just made a mistake. He wouldn’t have felt so horrible about forgetting to call. Sometimes, it’s really easy to get wrapped up in drama. In that situation it would have been better for me to take a moment, release my ego, and ask spirit what the right thing to do was (It was not fighting with someone via text message, let me tell you…). In so many situations that involve fighting or anger, the best thing we can do is stop, breath, and turn to spirit for guidance.

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Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ‘I know why.’

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, ‘People are born so that they can learn how to live a good Life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?’ The Six-year-old continued, ‘Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.’

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy-ride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you’re not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY

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I was presenting my Lighten-up and Laugh program for a group of administrtors at a conference.
Everyone was enjoying the program but one person sitting in the front row. I tried to engage him with one of my puppet characters but there was no response not even a chuckle. When I finished he walked up to me and said, “I haven’t laughed so much in a long time.”

We all laugh in our own way. Some laugh quietly or others are like me who laugh so loud people at the movie theater turn around to see who I am. Regardless laughter is good for you. It shifts our focus away from the days problems and gives us a moment of escape. It is the best medicine that is natural, organic and fun to take.

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If you notice a behavior change, you may want to talk to the child to see if there is anything wrong. For example, if a child is normally out-going and willing to participate one day and then all of a sudden they’re quiet and afraid to raise their hand. Or, a calm child becomes loud and obnoxious. If this happens, you may want to talk to the child to see if someone is bullying them. Unfortunately when you ask the student if there is a problem he/she may not give you a truthful answer so it is ery important that you recognize warning signs.

Here are a list of warning signs:

• Child is sick from school more than usual
• Child stops wanting to participate in classroom activities
• Child’s school work becomes sloppy
• Child’s grades unexplainable drop
• Child starts coming to school with torn clothing
• Child is afraid to board the bus or walk home from school
• Child is afraid to go out on the playground
• Child wants to go home for lunch

By keeping a watchful eye you can help to prevent serious emotional and physical damage.

Copyright Richard Paul 2004

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Not everyone accepts or believes in positive thinking. Some consider the subject as just nonsense, and others scoff at people who believe and accept it. Among the people who accept it, not many know how to use it effectively to get results. Yet, it seems that many are becoming attracted to this subject, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it. This is a subject that is gaining popularity.

It is quite common to hear people say: “Think positive!”, to someone who feels down and worried. Most people do not take these words seriously, as they do not know what they really mean, or do not consider them as useful and effective. How many people do you know, who stop to think what the power of positive thinking means?

The following story illustrates how this power works.
Allan applied for a new job, but as his self-esteem was low, and he considered himself as a failure and unworthy of success, he was sure that he was not going to get the job. He had a negative attitude towards himself, and believed that the other applicants were better and more qualified than him. Allan manifested this attitude, due to his negative past experiences with job interviews.

His mind was filled with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job for the whole week before the job interview. He was sure he would be rejected. On the day of the interview he got up late, and to his horror he discovered that the shirt he had planned to wear was dirty, and the other one needed ironing. As it was already too late, he went out wearing a shirt full of wrinkles.

During the interview he was tense, displayed a negative attitude, worried about his shirt, and felt hungry because he did not have enough time to eat breakfast. All this distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the interview. His overall behavior made a bad impression, and consequently he materialized his fear and did not get the job.

Jim applied for the same job too, but approached the matter in a different way. He was sure that he was going to get the job. During the week preceding the interview he often visualized himself making a good impression and getting the job.

In the evening before the interview he prepared the clothes he was going to wear, and went to sleep a little earlier. On day of the interview he woke up earlier than usual, and had ample time to eat breakfast, and then to arrive to the interview before the scheduled time.

He got the job because he made a good impression. He had also of course, the proper qualifications for the job, but so had Allan.

What do we learn from these two stories? Is there any magic employed here? No, it is all natural. When the attitude is positive we entertain pleasant feelings and constructive images, and see in our mind’s eye what we really want to happen. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy and happiness. The whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even the health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall and the voice is more powerful. Our body language shows the way you feel inside.

Positive and negative thinking are both contagious. All of us affect, in one way or another, the people we meet. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through thoughts and feelings transference and through body language. People sense our aura and are affected by our thoughts. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive persons and shun negative ones? People are more disposed to help us if we are positive. They dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

Practical Instructions

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