As your
child grows into a teen, he may seem to tune out much of what you
say. But research shows that parents are still the strongest influence
on adolescents’ big decisions, like whether to smoke, drink
or have sex.
 Teenagers
who don’t smoke say the main reason is their parents. Kids
know and respect their parents’ expectations- If their parents
have stated them clearly and repeatedly. Peers and pop culture will
probably influence your child’s choices of clothing, hairstyles,
music and the like. That’s OK. You might not like their music
or the way they look, but if you let them make these relatively
minor decisions, they are more likely to listen to you on the ones
that really matter-like not smoking or trying drugs.
Your influence
is real. You are in the best place to help to guide your child as
he struggles with peer pressure, examines his options, and gradually
becomes a mature, independent thinker. Resisting peer pressure takes
practice. Use this exercise to help prepare your child for tough
situations.
“Peer
pressure feels like having a spotlight shined on you in a big crowd,”
says Logan, 17 from Michigan. “You need to make a decision
quickly and you don’t know what to do.”
Your child
may find himself in that harsh spotlight many times during adolescence.
To help him to prepare for tough decisions, do this exercise together.
It’s designed as a discussion starter. There’s more
than one right answer. Start with the following problems which gives
some conclusions you and your child might reach. Then do the exercises.
As you work through them discuss:
• The
setup: Review the situation
• The deal:Discuss the pros and cons of going along.
• Conclusion: Decide on the appropriate action.
• What you could say: Talk about graceful ways to address
the situation. Remind your child that if his friends do get angry,
their anger will probably pass quickly. If it doesn’t then
they’re not good friends.
Problem 1: The Ride
The setup:
Your girlfriend wants a ride to the mall, but you only have a learner’s
permit. Should you drive here alone?
The deal: If
you do it, you might look cool and get to spend time with her. But
it’s illegal and dangerous. If you get caught, you could lose
your permit and not be able to get your license.
Conclusion:
It’s not worth the risk
What you could
say: “For now, I can only drive if a parent is in the car.
My mom can give us a ride.” Or “It’s going to
be great when I get my license. Then I can take you places. If I
lose my permit, I won’t get my license for a long time.
Problem
2: Smoking friend
 The
setup: One of your best friends has started smoking, and some of
your other friends are leaning on you to pressure him to quit.
The Deal: If
you talk to your friend, he may see that you have his best interests
in mind and think you’re a good friend. Or, he might not appreciate
you bugging him about it. If you don’t, his health is at risk.
And your other friends might lose respect for you.
Conclusion:
It’s worth the risk to lean on your fiend to stop smoking.
What you could
say: Facts approach: Why are you smoking anyway? Don’t you
know it’s bad for you? You can get hooked really quickly,
and you’re wasting your money. Teasing but true approach:
That stuff reeks; no one will kiss you if you smoke.
As parents
we know it can be difficult to help our children see the “wisdom”
of our ways, but we need to help them think on their feet and hopefully
make the right choice.
See
Through Their Eyes
As our children develop, adolescents often they
struggle to understand how others-especially their peers- view them.
They worry about being rejected if they don’t fit in. Reassure
your child that while friends will sometimes hassle them for not
going along, many times they won’t. Either way, the most important
thing is for them to make their own decisions. Adolescents also
tend to overestimate how many people are actually involved in risky
behaviors.
Adolescents
in a recent survey said they think that more that 50% of teens smoke;
the actual number is closer to 25%. Make sure your child knows that
the majority of both kids and adults simply DO NOT smoke.
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