This
past week I was presenting my Core Democratic Values program at
a school in Detroit. There is a part in the program where
I pick twelve students to help me to demonstrate the first three
articles of the Constitution. The last young lady I asked up
was sitting in the middle of the second row. She was so excited
that I picked her she jumped up from her seat. As she was trying
to walk over to the center aisle three boys grabbed her pant
leg and tried to trip her. She caught her balance and gave all
three of those boys a stare that would scare a bear. The boys
giggling faces quickly turned to fear. They bowed their heads
down as if they were being scold by the principal.
The best thing we can teach our students and children is that
we don't have to say anything to get the point across. In a great
book entitled Bully-Proofing Your School the authors talk about "getting
the meaning without words" (P.67) It's all about body language.
If we are giving the bully firm eye contact we can effectively
send out a non-verbal message that clearly means "KNOCK IT
OFF!".
"Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power" Seneca
I am sure you have held a conversation with another person who
is unable to look you in the eyes when talking or listening to
you. My wife and I were discussing this article and she mentioned
how some people even close their eyes when they talk. Eye contact
demonstrates self-confidence and self-esteem. Dan Olweus author
of Bullying at School and one of the Godfathers of anti-bullying
issues writes," the typical victims are more anxious and insecure
than students in general." Eye contact in my opinion is one
of the best ways to demonstrate security and self-control. It an
easy non-violent assertive tools available to the victims of a
bully. As a professional speaker, I have been taught to give eye
contact to my audience but not to exceed more than three to five
seconds so they don't feel intimidated. Think about when you were
caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing. Remember
how your teacher or parent looked you directly in the eyes and
how scary it was not knowing what she was going to do next.
"What lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to
do." Aristotle
How can you teach your child or students to use eye contact to
peacefully combat a bully problem or conflict situation? By giving
them eye contact when talking or listening. By explaining and practicing
with them till they feel comfortable implementing it and understand
how and when is the best time to use it.
Activities
1) Have two students sit face-to-face staring at one another.
Make it a game by telling them that first person to move their
eyes away or laughs at the other person looses the game.
2) Have a student face the class and you face them holding a pencil.
Move the pencil up and down, left and right and then to your nose
so they are looking you in the eyes. When they look you in the
eyes ask them some simple questions like: What is your name? What
do you like to do? Who is your hero?
If anyone has any other techniques they have used that have been
successful please email it to me (richard@richardpaul.com) and
I will share the information on our No
Bully Club Blog.
Also we are thinking about putting together a classroom No Bully
Club Membership. There would be one membership fee and cool educational
items that can be distributed to the classroom. Let us know what
you think.
For more information and strategies on how to reduce bullying
and violence at schools and in the workplace visit our blog at:
http://nobullyclub.blogspot.com/
or our web site at www.richardpaul.com . |
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